Category Reproductive Health

The Red Vag of Courage

I recently purchased a “jumbo-sized” box of tampons at the grocery store, simply because they were temporarily out of the regular-sized boxes. I felt somewhat awkward about this purchase, hoping the cashier would not think that I had some vast, unstoppable flow that was gushing out of me like a fire hydrant. I am aware […]

Being Single: A Manifesto

I have never been on a blind date. I have never used a dating website. I have never had sex on the first date. What is wrong with this picture? I’ll tell you: absolutely nothing. There is a lot of pressure as a woman to put oneself “out there.” To me this sounds like hurtling […]

Iron Woman

Having your period is no fun for a lot of reasons. Your breasts feel like Dkembe Mutombo has been playing bongos on them all day. You spend a lot of time in bathroom stalls with your legs spread, one hand fumbling around in your crotch like a blind man trying to disarm an explosive. Every time […]

A Lady’s Guide to Vagina Gazing

Your vagina. You are aware of its existence. You wash it every day. You gird it in cute cotton panties with rubber duckies on them that you got at Kohl’s. Perhaps you even take a razor to it sometimes to give it a little bit of a groom. It bleeds, and you have to plug […]

A Lady’s Guide to Ultrasounds

Or: The Inaugural Time That I Almost Peed my Pants at the Hospital You may think that ultrasounds are the kind of rigmarole that only those of us who have allowed the seed of the opposite sex to impregnate us with child have to suffer through. Unfortunately, you are mistaken. There is an abundance of […]

The Inevitable Birth Control Post

People have been biting my very ankles trying to get me to post about birth control since I started this den of sin I call a blog. Specifically, I’ve been asked for advice on the subject of whether or not to go on the pill, and what kind to go on if and when the […]

Red, the Blood of Angry Women

I find myself disturbed and saddened when my female friends are menstruating. No, not because they become heinous bitches. How dare you suggest such a thing. They are delicate flowers at all times. It’s because they think that they can’t get any while their lady parts are all bloody. Their complaints usually fall into one […]