Pull up your blankies and your bowl of popcorn, cause it’s…
So the other day, I got a flat tire.
I know, you’re riveted. Stay with me.
I have roadside assistance, so I called them up and explained the situation. While doing so, a thought crossed my mind: I have the donut. I could put it on myself.
That thought was quickly driven from my mind when I realized that I do not know how to change a tire.
Like, how has this simple life skill evaded me? I have a quite expensive level of higher education, and yet I am clueless as to how to replace a busted tire on my vehicle. I felt like the worst feminist ever, yammering on and on about being an independent woman when I can’t even maintain my car.
For one hilarious second while I was waiting for a strong, capable man to come change my tire, I went on Youtube, determined to find a tutorial that I could follow. Then the guy would show up and my tire would already be changed! “Look!” I’d say proudly, “I didn’t need you after all! SUCK ON THAT, HORATIO!”
Sorry, I blacked out for a minute there. Anyway, the long and short of it is that after fourteen Youtube tutorials, I still did not understand how to change a tire. I mean, IN THEORY I did, but when I opened my trunk and actually looked at the clusterfuck of tire-changing equipment back there, I began to feel slightly woozy and had to pull out my fainting couch for a spell.
While waiting for my rescuer, I texted my boyfriend.
“I got a flat,” I said. “I don’t know how to change my own stupid tire. Why does the education system neglect to teach women these things?! #patriarchy”
“No one ever taught me how to change a tire,” he replied. “I taught myself. So can you!”
I didn’t reply. He obviously was blind to my struggle.
A few minutes later, he added, “I know plenty of grown men who never learned, either.”
HARUMPH, I thought to myself. You mean car maintenance is something that each individual has to take it upon him or herself to learn? Aside from the obvious inanity of that fact, I began to feel a little better. I came to the conclusion that perhaps not knowing how to change a tire doesn’t make you a bad feminist – it just means you have bigger priorities and choose to call roadside assistance instead.
That being said, I have added tire-changing to my growing list of things to learn when I have the time and the moxie to do so. If you are better at interpreting video tutorials than I am and want to learn, check out these links:
You could also, of course, consult your driver’s manual, if you are inspired by 4-point font and instructions written by someone whose first language was Japanese.
Go forth, my woman-kin, and change tires with impunity!