What a Flat Tire Taught Me About Feminism

Pull up your blankies and your bowl of popcorn, cause it’s…

STORY TIME!

"Yaaaay! Tell us the one about the whore with the heart of gold again!"

“Yaaaay! Tell us the one about the whore with the heart of gold again!”

So the other day, I got a flat tire.

I know, you’re riveted. Stay with me.

I have roadside assistance, so I called them up and explained the situation. While doing so, a thought crossed my mind: I have the donut. I could put it on myself.

That thought was quickly driven from my mind when I realized that I do not know how to change a tire.

Like, how has this simple life skill evaded me? I have a quite expensive level of higher education, and yet I am clueless as to how to replace a busted tire on my vehicle. I felt like the worst feminist ever, yammering on and on about being an independent woman when I can’t even maintain my car.

Above: a reenactment of me having an existential crisis on the side of the road.

Above: a reenactment of me having an existential crisis on the side of the road.

For one hilarious second while I was waiting for a strong, capable man to come change my tire, I went on Youtube, determined to find a tutorial that I could follow. Then the guy would show up and my tire would already be changed! “Look!” I’d say proudly, “I didn’t need you after all! SUCK ON THAT, HORATIO!”

Sorry, I blacked out for a minute there. Anyway, the long and short of it is that after fourteen Youtube tutorials, I still did not understand how to change a tire. I mean, IN THEORY I did, but when I opened my trunk and actually looked at the clusterfuck of tire-changing equipment back there, I began to feel slightly woozy and had to pull out my fainting couch for a spell.

"I do declare I have a touch of the vapors!"

“I do declare I have a touch of the vapors!”

While waiting for my rescuer, I texted my boyfriend.

“I got a flat,” I said. “I don’t know how to change my own stupid tire. Why does the education system neglect to teach women these things?! #patriarchy”

“No one ever taught me how to change a tire,” he replied. “I taught myself. So can you!”

I didn’t reply. He obviously was blind to my struggle.

A few minutes later, he added, “I know plenty of grown men who never learned, either.”

HARUMPH, I thought to myself. You mean car maintenance is something that each individual has to take it upon him or herself to learn? Aside from the obvious inanity of that fact, I began to feel a little better. I came to the conclusion that perhaps not knowing how to change a tire doesn’t make you a bad feminist – it just means you have bigger priorities and choose to call roadside assistance instead.

That being said, I have added tire-changing to my growing list of things to learn when I have the time and the moxie to do so. If you are better at interpreting video tutorials than I am and want to learn, check out these links:

How to Change a Tire

How to Change Your Tire Alone

How to Change a Flat Tire

You could also, of course, consult your driver’s manual, if you are inspired by 4-point font and instructions written by someone whose first language was Japanese.

Go forth, my woman-kin, and change tires with impunity!

And don't forget your sensible business attire! Otherwise people might think you're some kind of common laborer.

And don’t forget your sensible business attire! Otherwise people might think you’re some kind of common laborer.

Advertisements

2 comments

  1. Caroline · · Reply

    Apparently no one expects you, as a woman, to change your own tire. On my last car, I was stymied by a crappy tire iron. A state trooper showed up who had a good one (after I called AAA – this was an ongoing problem). He was SHOCKED that I insisted on changing the thing myself once I had the right tools. (Side note, the tow trucks had to use the pneumatic tools to get my wheel off – it was bad news.)

    1. Women: Exceeding expectations since 1,000,000 BCE. šŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: