A Lady’s Guide to Fake Phone Numbers

We’ve all been there:

You’re having a few drinks at the bar and some meathead won’t leave you alone. He’s been chatting you up all night, trying to buy you drinks, asking you if you have a boyfriend. All you can think about is how to get rid of him so you can enjoy your night out. So what do you do? You give him “your” phone number and tell him to call. The following is my one indispensable tip for how to give out a fake number:



Giving out fake digits is a super easy and painless way to get a lurking bro off your back. Easy, because it takes less time than explaining you’re not interested, and painless, because you don’t have to face the possibility of hurting his pride or incurring his wrath.

But it’s also a super selfish and unladylike way to get what you want. When you think about it, you’re not avoiding hurting his feelings. You’re just avoiding having to watch it by postponing the insult until you are safely out of earshot. His feelings are going to get hurt either way when he figures out that you gave him a fake number, so at least have the balls to own up to it.

In addition, you are inconveniencing other people. Chances are, that fake number you gave actually belongs to someone else. It might belong to some 80-year-old grandpa who will not appreciate the inevitable dick pic hastily taken in a club bathroom stall at 4 o’clock in the morning. I know you’re eager to get rid of Chad, but foisting him and his sad trouser situation off onto some innocent sap in your area code is not a mature way to handle it.


“What am I looking at here? A baked potato?”

Here’s a novel idea: just tell this guy you’re not interested. I know it seems wacky, but I am here to tell you that you have that power. You don’t need to tell him you have a boyfriend. (He probably won’t care anyway.) You don’t need to tell him you’re a lesbian. (He’ll probably just ask to watch.) You are well within your rights to simply say, “You know, I’m not at all interested. Please leave me alone.” You’re not obligated to give reasons or excuses, and you’re certainly not obligated to go through some ridiculous phone number charade, which only perpetuates the notion that women need to apologize for not wanting to hook up with a guy at his whimsy.

Do the right thing for feminists everywhere and tell that dude the truth.


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