Why is (Chocolate) A “Girl Thing?”

Today’s post is brought to you my: My Period!

blood

My Period… Because shut the fuck up and get me a cookie, that’s why.

You’ve probably heard the stereotype that woman love them some chocolate. If you’ve never heard this stereotype, please click on over to a stock photography website, search for “woman chocolate” and then try and tell me it doesn’t exist, you little shit.

I mean.

I mean.

The advertising industry knows what’s up. Practically every candy company markets their chocolate products to women, for instance:

Dove…

mydoveprint

Cadbury…

Cadbury-Dairy-Milk-Bliss--007

Ghirardelli…

ghirardelli

Lindor…

lindor

According to the entire world, all a woman really needs in life is the carnal pleasure of savagely biting into a bar of chocolate while her husband cowers in terror in a darkened corner. It seems that a man, when faced with the offer of chocolate, can simply walk away like nothing remotely important has just happened to him, whereas a woman faced with the same offer will fall upon this confectionary offering with inhuman violence.

But I must ask – why? Why is exclusively female chocolate consumption even a thing? After all – chocolate is fucking delicious. Men would have to be complete ignoramuses to turn it down.

TO THE SCIENCE MOBILE!

sciencemobile

As you may have heard, chocolate is actually not as bad for you as people used to think it was, especially chocolate with a high cacao content. It contains antioxidants and alkaloids that have been shown to stimulate the production of serotonin in the brain. Serotonin, also known as “Giggle Juice” by me and me alone, is a hormone that influences mood. More serotonin, more happy. And guess what time of the month we women tend to produce less serotonin naturally? That’s right! THAT time of the month!

So, especially when we are on the rag, women have fluctuating levels of serotonin – in other words, PMS is no myth. We need to make up for it somewhere, or we will turn into homicidal maniacs. So really, it’s for the good of humankind that you make like this parrot and dive face first into a fountain of the brown stuff.

"OH SWEET MERCY YES"

“OH SWEET MERCY YES”

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