A Lady’s Guide to (More) Whey Protein

As I have mentioned before, I am a fan of protein powder. It helps me fill in my protein macros for the day, and it’s a good on-the-go emergency meal or snack for days when I fucking forgot my lunch bag on the kitchen counter and now I’m already on the highway and if I turn back now I’ll be late for work because of the “construction” on the Turnpike which consists of thirteen guys standing around watching one guy dig  a hole with a shovel FUCKING GODDAMMIT PENNDOT

Anyway, I used to take protein powder every day, whether I wanted to or not. These days, I only take it as a supplement – which is how it is intended to be used. This means that if I’ve hit my protein requirement for the day, I don’t take it. If I haven’t, I do take it. There is a reason it’s called a “dietary supplement” – it supplements the natural protein I am getting (hopefully) from “real food.” If possible, I like to get all my protein from fish, beans and eggs, but I still turn to protein powder every now and then as an indispensable part of my fitness regimen.

This is a Part Two to my reviews of various protein powders. Keep in mind that I have in no way been paid or reimbursed by any company in return for my views. These companies have no idea I exist. I could be vaporized by a water buffalo stampede tomorrow, and they wouldn’t bat an eyelash.

CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE

1) Mutant Whey

whey

Cheapest available from: GNC.com sells it for $44.99 for a 5-lb bag. (This is WHEY cheaper than the company website.)

Taste: I tried this in chocolate. The flavor is somewhat earthy, as though someone blended some grasses in with the chocolate. Contrary to how I realize this sounds, it’s quite pleasant, almost like an oatmeal cookie. The chocolate taste is mostly believable. Comes in Vanilla Bean Infusion, Triple Chocolate Eruption, and Xtreme Strawberry Cream, all of which are my new porn names.

Texture: This is quite thick, and requires a very vigorous shake to get it blended up. However, once blended, it is thick and creamy, while not at all slimy.

Nutrition: 1 scoop contains 150 calories and 22 grams of protein. It also contains no shortage of sugar, saturated fat, and cholesterol – the price you pay for a delicious shake.

Cost: 60 servings for $44.99. (75 cents per serving.)

2) Proto Whey

protowhey

Cheapest available from: Bodybuilding.com.

Taste: The vanilla is by far the best-tasting vanilla protein I’ve ever come across by virtue of the fact that it is really not very sweet and the flavor is light, unlike most birthday-cake flavored travesties, which stick their frosting-flavored dicks in your mouth and sprinkle-fuck the life out of you. The chocolate is similar – lightly chocolate flavored, not candy-sweet. Incidentally, this company also makes protein bars called Power Crunch, which are tasty, though I find they stick to the roof of my mouth, rather like your mom’s Chocolate Eruption did last night.

Texture: Blends well in water and in milk. I have used the vanilla for baking as well, and it is AWESOME in baked goods. You would never know it was there, either flavor-wise or texture-wise.

Nutrition: 1 serving has 145 calories and 20 g protein. Also high in cholesterol, but with a solid hit of fiber (3 g per serving.)

Cost: $29.97 for 26 servings. ($1.15 per serving.)

3) Phormula 1

phormula1

Cheapest available from: Pretty much only available from the company website.

Taste: This protein, uniquely, only comes in fruit flavors – no chocolate or vanilla here. Sounds dangerous, I realize, but I really enjoyed the Loopd Fruit flavor. It tastes exactly like the milk left over when you’re done eating Froot Loops.

Texture: Blends very smoothly. I had no problems with texture. Even in water, it looks like, tastes like, and simulates the texture of cereal milk.

Nutrition: Each serving has a paltry 100 calories and 22 grams of protein. Other than that, there is very little inside other than calcium.

Cost: $49.99 for 32 servings. ($1.56 per serving.)

THE RESULTS

I compared these findings to the results from my last protein roundup as follows:

Taste: If taste is a big issue for you, I still recommend the MTS Whey from last time. However, Mutant Whey would be a strong contender in this category.

Texture: I would have to say that Mutant Whey has the best texture, but all three of these proteins held their own in that category.

Nutrition: In terms of protein bang for your caloric buck, an isolate is always going to be your best friend. Therefore, other than the Isolyn I previously recommended, I would say that the Phormula 1 has a great nutritional profile.

Cost: Of these three proteins, Mutant Whey was the cheapest per serving, but it still couldn’t beat out the MTS.

BONUS

netrition

I thought I’d share a discovery I made lately, which is this convenient little funnel. It has a twist-off lid on both ends. You can unscrew the wide end to dump in a scoop or two of protein, and when you’re ready to drink it, you can unscrew the narrow end and dump it neatly and tidily into a shaker bottle without worrying about spillage. Seriously, it’s a great little contraption. For $3.79 on Bodybuilding.com, it’s maybe not worth the shipping to just order by itself, but if you’re already ordering a protein, I highly recommend chucking it into your cart.

Reminder: Bodybuilding.com has never heard of me, and would probably steal my lunch money just on principle.

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3 comments

  1. Rachel · · Reply

    Awesome awesome awesome article! Very much appreciate that you mentioned using it as a “supplement” to your diet and trying to get proteins naturally. I also really love Vega (vegan and gluten free) protein powder as well!!

    -Larkey

  2. Just came across your blog because you commented on mine (thank you) and will definitely be back, great overview 🙂

    1. Thanks for stopping by!

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